I wasn't sure how to title this post. I wasn't really sure if I wanted to post anything about it either but I figured since my blog has been uber suckish lately I could talk a little bit about why. Which by the way is really hard for me because I loathe getting all personal on the blog. I want it to be a happy place, where everyone can have fun and not walk away feeling sad or icky. So, bare with me.
10 years ago I met my soul mate.
I can honestly say he is the love of my life, he knows he is. I would do anything for the kid, we have a ton of fun together and I wouldn't want to spend my life with anyone else.
But, sometimes life doesn't go your way and you hear things as a wife that you'd never
thought you'd hear.
And it crushes you. It crushes your soul. It's like you get kicked in the stomach and punched in the face at the same time and you hear words from this person you thought completed you. So what do you do? Do you beg? Plead? Do the ugly cry for a week like I did? I don't know what to do, that's pretty much it. I want to blog, I want to fix up my house but at the moment, I'm not fixing up our house and it kind of lost its luster.
I have two precious little girls right now who need their Mom more than anything and so that's what I'm going to do. Between the ugly cries, and wondering what the heck I can do to fix it.
Which is nothing. It's out of my control.
I have to just be a Mom.
And, it isn't fair.
Because I just wanted to be a wife too.
Thankfully Mrs. Nato has gone though this, and bless her little heart even though she lives 5 billion miles away from me she deals with my emails every 5.2 minutes and phone calls and texts at 3 am. She'll answer the same question I have every time "Will I be okay?" "How do I do it!?" "Why can't I make him come back" And, that sweet sweet friend just tells me what I need to hear, even if she already told it to me 100 times. The only thing I know for sure is you can't make someone love you. Even though you tell yourself you will NOT be a statistic and you can do everything in your power to make a marriage work it takes two, and if the other person isn't willing to give it their all then it wont work. Hopefully, something changes. Hopefully God will change his heart, because we honestly do have something really good. Too good to lose. We made vows to stick it out, and that's what I plan on doing, and it's being pulled away from me.
This is hopefully the only time I'm going to vent about it, because well. Like I said, a decor blog isn't really the place for the sads. But if you're the praying type, I would absolutely love an extra one (or two) right now.