Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Love, just love.

Wow guys. First of all, the amount of outpouring love I was shown yesterday brought me to tears more than once. I know the blogging world is an amazing thing and it's fun to have friends and see people who have common interests and hobbies as you is awesome. But, when you open your heart and soul to people you don't know and they come and battle for you, truly battle. Links to help me, words of encouragement, prayers. It's amazing and humbling.


I tried to write the post so many times, and I was scared to actually post it thinking-- well what if he changes his heart? What if it works out, people could get mad, think I just gave in, things could get snarky very fast.



But you know, friends only want whats best for you. If the best thing is for God to change my husbands heart then so be it, my true friends only want whats best. If I come back and say I've tried everything in my body and heart and soul to make it work and I just can't, I'm sure it will come with understanding as well.

It's just scary, being vulnerable. I also don't want anyone to think my husband is a horrible person. I can't think that way, he's the father of my children and truly my other half. So coming here and bashing him isn't something I'm here to do, and I don't think I did that-- I just had to let it out. I didn't want to force myself to write up posts about paint colors, and back-splashes when the only thing on my mind is "what will happen tomorrow, next week, the rest of my life" I didn't want to fake it. It was weighing on my heart so much I wanted to scream.

So. I did.

And, I regretted clicking post for about a millisecond and then all of you...You lovely lovely ladies reminded me why I love this little online world so much, that it's okay. You weren't just thinking, hoping, praying, crossing your fingers for me and my girls but my husband too! There wasn't one rude comment (which I was also scared about..eek) just love. Just, what is meant to be will happen. I'm trying to remind myself that. I think the biggest fear is my children thinking I failed them. I want them to grow up knowing their mother did everything in her power to try. So I am. It's just hard, hard to try alone. But, again everything happens for a reason, I'm just patiently (not so patiently) waiting to see what that reason is.


So. That was a lot of words. Basically thank you. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. If you've written me an email --I have read it and I will respond. If you've written me emails recently about anything else, blog-wise, I am getting to it I promise. I have giveaway winners to announce, giveaways I participated in that need to be mailed out, blog ads that I need to tell you about and comments to be answered, and slowly they will be. :) One minute at a time.

xo

35 comments:

My Cottage Charm said...

Rachelle...take your time, we're not going anywhere. We all love you dearly and your two little ones too, and we will be here whether you post winners, blog about paint colors, or decide to just cry a while...we will be here. I am continuing to pray for you and for your husband to have a change of heart...God can change do anything..we'll just believe.
love you girl
Missy

Heather L. said...

I will continue to keep you in my prayers, Rachelle, as well as your husband and children. I pray that no matter what happens, you will find peace and happiness. Much love to you!!!

Angie @ The Country Chic Cottage said...

I think you need even more hugs today! :) Take your time. We will be here when you feel like blogging about paint colors again! :) I can't imagine what you are going through so I have absolutely no advice. But your posts bring tears to my eyes....

james @ agirlcalledjames said...

You are so strong to share your post. Take your time. People will understand I am sure.

stefanie said...

I am so sorry you are going thru this!! I will pray for you and for strength!!!

Laura @ live.laugh.photograph said...

Take however long you need hun! Life is more important than blogging and sometimes it has a habit of getting in the way :) We will still be here for you!

I admire you for your strength and being open and vulnerable. Lots of prayers for you and your family and hugs coming your way! xoxo

Whitney said...

The fact that you shared your heart only makes me more fond of you, Rachelle. Still praying and will continue. You have the right attitude. Keep your head up!

Between Blue and Yellow said...

After reading your post yesturday, I thought about you all night. I even talked with my husband about it. Sometimes life has to suck a little to really appreciate the great things in life. It will hurt for a very long time, but you will get through it.

Christine said...

Your posts have been very well written. I have not seen any blame, bashing or anything else, just the basics, it seems.
My kids' dad and I have remained friendly after the divorce and we have provided help to each other through the years. He had a relationship after me that resulted in a child. So now there is a brother that my kids wouldn't otherwise have had, a child who has brought joy to everyone involved.
All of my blah-blahing about myself is meant to tell you that no matter how it works out, it can still be good. Even though there have been plenty of hardships, my kids are well adjusted and I think that the lessons that they have learned by watching their parents be separate and strong are far better than what would have been learned if my marriage would have stayed intact, with the manipulation and constant passive-aggressiveness that was our marriage.
For you, I do hope that he has a change of heart. If his commitment matches yours, you will move through this and come out better in the end. If he doesn't have a change of heart, well, you will still come out better in the end. Seems like you are plenty strong enough to do this.

The Balch Bunch said...

Still thinking of you and your family... I think women need to support eachother. The world would be a better place if we all did that! My brother and his wife just divorced and support if what they really need and love. Hope you are feeling the love girl!

Cara said...

The only sucky thing for us, is not being able to REALLY help. Stop over for a visit, lend an ear, help with kids, etc. I prayed for you both this morning, for peace for you and for your husband to be in a better place. He sounds like a wonderful man who is really at a crossroads right now.

I'm so glad you felt comfortable enough to share something as personal as this, and know that we are fighting for you!!

Much love,
Cara

donatella said...

just because we don't know you in person doesn't mean that we don't care about you!
your attitude is the right one, keep marching and keep fighting for what you love and care :)
<3

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

Your posts have demonstrated what a caring, thoughtful, mature woman you are. Nothing you have said has been mean or vindictive. There's a big difference between that and opening up your heart. I tip my hat to you for you openness and honesty--I think readers always appreciate that. You are wise not to post about back-splashes and flooring. Readers can sense when your heart is not in it, and genuineness is something I think they (we) all appreciate. Hug and love to you!

Rhiannon said...

you take all the time you need. whatever happens, happens for a reason and is in God's plan.you are already stronger than you know

Jen-CraftOManiac said...

You are welcome, the online blog world and support is amazing. I have often felt more support and love in blog land then in real life. Stay a strong hard working mama. We are routing for you no matter. Hugs, jen

Comeca Jones said...

Praying constantly that you and a few of my friends who are having similar sadness find peace.I have a prayer folder and everyday I write what my hopes and desires are for my family, friends,and my relationship. I do this throughout the day if I'm sad or happy or whatever my emotions. I write and before going to bed at night I physically get on my knees I place my hand on the folder and I say lord you know the desires of my heart please let your will be done.
It is so hard to give it over when your heart is in such a place of despair. Sometimes the strength to pray isn't there so the folder is helpful in these times for me.Maybe you can use this method when you're stronger but for now I'll add you to my folder. We are touching and agreeing...Feel better.

The Girl Creative said...

{{{{BIG GIANT HUG}}}}

princessister said...

i am not here to judge you. you are a precious person, amazing mom and amazing wife! you do what is best for you and as for me i will support you! i pray that it works out, but if it doesnt God has a better plan for you, your girls and your husband. XOXO

Lindsay said...

So glad you had this outpouring. You deserve every bit of it :)

Miss Allie said...

I'm very sorry about what you are going through. I can't imagine what it is like. Things will work out for the best. I'm glad you decided to share with us, it means a lot to know you are open with your followers. Lemme know if you need anything.

Lou Cinda @ Tattered Hydrangeas said...

Rachelle, life is real and sometimes it has really, REALLY unhappy moments...but know that God is walking right beside you and you have soooo many prayers going up for you and this will work out for the best! Praying for your husband too!

Lou Cinda

Jami Nato said...

puttin it all out there...ATTA GIRL.

colleen said...

ok missy been there done that! i didnt like it but it sure made me stronger. my life turned out soooo much better.i have been with my soul mate now for over 30 yrs my kids call him dad and i almost cannot remember what life was like before. i applaud your grace under fire ;). in the end your girls will know that you are a amazing person. life happens and we just have to walk thru the hard times and get to the otherside. i will tell you i also tried everything i could think of , i had no regrets. i felt i gave my kids a better example of what a true relationship was and could be. it saddens me to hear of others going thru this. i will pray for you and your family

Deb said...

Oh, Sweet Love. I sent up a prayer for you. And remember--God holds your heart AND your children's hearts in His hand. You will all be His no matter the outcome. (((hugs)))

Ashley @ Little Miss Momma said...

your honesty inspires me! you are a fabulous momma and wife and friend! thank you for your example of strength.

xoxo, ashley

mccarthy281 said...

God works in mysterious ways...what may seem like the worst time of your life now my turn out to be the best experience ever. Have faith! God has great plans for you.

Cozy Little House said...

A blog friend just directed me over here. I wanted to email you personally, but couldn't find your email address. Long day... Anyway, she directed me here because I've been going through the same stuff. And I accidentally posted about it. Long story, I meant to just write down my thoughts and posted the wrong post! I've had amazing support. And you know what, even if we do blog about decor, we're just people. Just people, and readers have come out of the woodwork thanking me, because they wondered why their lives aren't as perfect as ours. So blog it out. You'll find out who your true friends are. You can email me. I've raised my girls. So different story there. It set me free, that post that got accidentally posted. It truly set me free to be who I am and no more facade.
Hugs, Brenda

Saraccino said...

I am sorry about what you are going through at the moment.. I just read this blog entry and also the one before.

You are right: You can't make someone love you. All you can do is to work for your relationsship, this is necessary in the good as well as in the bad times. No relationship functions by itself automatically... but still, it always needs two persons to work on it.

Things just happen in life and there is nobody really guilty. If he will change his heart this would be great. There are a lot of men I know which have (or sometimes had) relationships with friends of me who started to be unsure about their relationship. But it was not really the relationship which was the problem but that the men were in some kind of crisis... questioning everything in life, being afraid of lost chances and to grow old... all the cliches but somewhere there is truth in every cliche. Some of the men worked it out and stayed in their relationship... some messed it up just to find out that they lost something precious to them.. and some really had to go on because they didn't really love their partner...

Maybe in either way it will be for the good. Either he changes his heart and start to really appreciate what he has in a wife like you and with his family... or maybe if he goes he will give both of you a new chance not only to love but to be loved as well.

When I was really down in my life because a lot of bad things happened I heard in a film this quote:

Everyone has a happy ending. If it is not happy, then it is not the end.

I know, it is just a little bit simple and superficial but nevertheless it made me smile. Because for me it says: Try and try again. You'll go through this and you'll go your way. As much as it hurts now, there will be other times and new chances.

Hugs!

Claire

Saraccino said...

PS: I really love your quote from ovid. I think there is much truth in it :)

Caroline @ Artfully Caroline said...

You will be OK because you have accepted the new reality of your life already. You have not lost, you have gained a new begining. You are strong and will grow stronger. You will be a Mama Bear, I know you already are.

You will be OK because there is so much love in you and in your life. Take it all in, take some time out. Don't worry, we (the blog people) are not going anywhere

Much love

C.

Teresa said...

Hi there, After reading your blog I feel like I know you. Of course I don't but it feels like I do. I am going through a tough time too, but it's not in my marriage. It's another family member. I have repeated the phrase "Let go and let God deal with it," about a million times. Easy to say and hard to do. Prayers for you. Take a deep breath and keep your chin up. Hug your children and count your blessings. I've found that when I am down if I focus on what I do have as opposed to what I don't, it helps.

K. the Littlest Crafter said...

You are a brave, strong person. I have so much respect for you by being honest and keeping things real. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this...I truly hope things work out for what is best for your family. Will be thinking about you.

Popcorn Served Daily said...

Best wishes to you and your family.

Vivienne @ the V Spot said...

Hang in there. You have a great attitude and spirit. That is more than half the battle right now. Clearly you're a strong lady. Remember that, even though you will have moments when you doubt it.
I've been there and not only lived to tell the tale, I came out the other side and marveled that God had a glorious plan all along.
Hang in there.

Toni K said...

I just found your blog today, and I am so sorry. You are handling yourself well. More of my friends and acquaintances have had to deal with this than I care to count. Some have dealt with it better than others. You seem to have a good attitude. I wish you the best. Hugs!

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