Wow guys. First of all, the amount of outpouring love I was shown yesterday brought me to tears more than once. I know the blogging world is an amazing thing and it's fun to have friends and see people who have common interests and hobbies as you is awesome. But, when you open your heart and soul to people you don't know and they come and battle for you, truly battle. Links to help me, words of encouragement, prayers. It's amazing and humbling.
I tried to write the post so many times, and I was scared to actually post it thinking-- well what if he changes his heart? What if it works out, people could get mad, think I just gave in, things could get snarky very fast.
But you know, friends only want whats best for you. If the best thing is for God to change my husbands heart then so be it, my true friends only want whats best. If I come back and say I've tried everything in my body and heart and soul to make it work and I just can't, I'm sure it will come with understanding as well.
It's just scary, being vulnerable. I also don't want anyone to think my husband is a horrible person. I can't think that way, he's the father of my children and truly my other half. So coming here and bashing him isn't something I'm here to do, and I don't think I did that-- I just had to let it out. I didn't want to force myself to write up posts about paint colors, and back-splashes when the only thing on my mind is "what will happen tomorrow, next week, the rest of my life" I didn't want to fake it. It was weighing on my heart so much I wanted to scream.
So. I did.
And, I regretted clicking post for about a millisecond and then all of you...You lovely lovely ladies reminded me why I love this little online world so much, that it's okay. You weren't just thinking, hoping, praying, crossing your fingers for me and my girls but my husband too! There wasn't one rude comment (which I was also scared about..eek) just love. Just, what is meant to be will happen. I'm trying to remind myself that. I think the biggest fear is my children thinking I failed them. I want them to grow up knowing their mother did everything in her power to try. So I am. It's just hard, hard to try alone. But, again everything happens for a reason, I'm just patiently (not so patiently) waiting to see what that reason is.
So. That was a lot of words. Basically thank you. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. If you've written me an email --I have read it and I will respond. If you've written me emails recently about anything else, blog-wise, I am getting to it I promise. I have giveaway winners to announce, giveaways I participated in that need to be mailed out, blog ads that I need to tell you about and comments to be answered, and slowly they will be. :) One minute at a time.